3 April

well, i bought the WRONG pass again... haiz... bought the bus pass when i should have gotten the train pass... i just never learn my lesson....

one of the ways i come before God is weakness... i recognize that i am weak... not proud of my achievements or get too upset about my disappointments... but simply come and admit my identity before God... learning to accept my short-comings yet not prideful about my abilities ( or rather gifts that God has bestowed on me).. i have to accept gracefully what God created me to be... my past and present... i thank God it is him who mound me to become who i am now...

recognition? do i need it? it is a human thing... i cannot describe... ppl would be lying if they truly say they do not long for the limelight... they want to be found, to be discovered, to be known, to be appreciated... there is value in such feelings... however, it may act as a prideful thing or a demotivating thing... there must be a balance in seeking recognition.... sometimes the desired recognition didnt come and one is left feeling disappointed... the right person didn't gain the promotion he deserves... the right guy has left off the potential list of the girl he likes... how shall we respond in the right manner to such feelings and situations?
we should not swing to the other extreme... and say that all is not important... that will affect our identity... it will leave us well... pretty useless ( or felt used by someone or God)... it may be true to just say.. do your best... leave the outcome to God... in whatever circumstances , give thanks... win or lose, my identity IN CHrist should not be shaken...

He must increase, i must decrease... what does it mean? it struck me so hard... what is it that i must give up to allow God in? what in me must decrease? Does it mean that because of our certain hanging on, God cannot work thru us? no... does it mean for his furtherance of his kingdom? less of me ? less of the self-centeredness in seeking recognition at work? what is the motivation here? to see God glorified in all circumstances? despite the outcome?

one lesson brought home last nite... humbly: authority is to be given by God , from God... not seized .... many people missed this point... they DO NOT have the right authority yet assume that spiritual authority over people... so... well... i learn this the hard way i guess... and many others HAVE not learn this lesson...

a true sign of spiritual maturity IS submission to God and his appointed authority on this earth. Sadly , a lot of us didn't practise this... else we wouldn't have disagreement in church or in organization?

i sincerely believe that for a christian to be a true christian in marketplace is not to join the rat race... just humbly and sincerely do the work that God has given... lead in the best example... lead LOVINGLY and sincerely ( i was telling elton about love, growth and honesty/open communication in relationship)... IF we manage to do this , and God in his grace gives... THEN things like wealth and position would come as a by-product. positions and money SHOULD not be the prime consideration for a christian at work... God would see how one behaves in that 'low' position before allowing him to take on more responsibilities... this is applicable even in ministries... one, no matter how talented he is for God , would not be allowed more responsibilities in the kingdom UNLESS he settles certain 'teething' issues with God... God may intervene and deal with pride etc etc before letting the person serve in a bigger title/ role in the church... again titles are by-products... not something a christian should aim to achieve in church... no one starts out in ministry saying "i want to be a senior pastor". that would be arrogant, presumptuous - something not appreciated by God for sure.

success is NOT determined by one's position or wealth... if to measure success by these 2 indicators would mean that only selected ones are made for successs, however - all SHould be in the frame to achieve success...