Paris Hilton says she has been 'burned' by friends in the past.
Paris Hilton says she has been 'burned' by friends in the past.
Paris Hilton has been 'burned' by friends in the past.
The hotel heiress has launched her new MTV reality show called 'Paris Hilton's My New BFF' - which sees the star attempting to find herself a new Best Friend Forever (BFF) - but admits being a celebrity makes it difficult to forge relationships.
She said: 'It is really hard because you're not really sure if people want to be friends with you for the right reasons or they just want to be famous.
'So it's hard to figure that out, but I can figure it out now. If you are burned a couple of times in life you definitely learn from your mistakes.'
The 10-episode show sees the 27-year-old star whittle down a group of 19 potential pals until she finds her favourite.
Paris enjoyed making the programme as it gave her the chance to meet people from parts of America she would not normally visit, and insists she made some lifelong friends.
She said: 'It was a lot of fun to do a show like this to meet people from all around America and outside of Hollywood. It's so different and such an amazing experience. I'm so excited that I get to re-live it and watch it this season.
'I really did make some true friends and even though I got to pick one, I made a lot of friends and we've been hanging out all summer long. Definitely my BFF that won the show is my BFF forever.'
my comments.. this is sad... pathetic, self-absorbing, self-gratifying rubbish from hollywood. how sincere can it be that u need a reality TV show to find a friend? haha. so suppose , you are down and out, you need another reality TV show to find a friend? it is so self-centered. i mean who would be interested to be a friend to someone who is so self-absorbing in the first place? it is like hilton saying... you are actually not good enough to be my friend, but see i am a 'humbled' celebrity, you can be my BFF? haha. it is a joke... life has gotten to its bottom most rottenness. i cannot even describe how rotten this is. she needs a lot of self-reflection and self-acceptance. you have to be at peace with yourself and GOd,and not resort to a reality TV show to find a friend? i wonder which sicko would actually sign up and 'compete' for her 'royal' friendship. it belittles the dignity of any 'contestant'. friendship cannot be forge through a gameshow... wake up and smell the coffee...
Showing posts with label Loneliness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loneliness. Show all posts
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Coping With Loneliness
Humans were created to live in community. So how does one deal with feelings of loneliness?
By Debra Farrington
Three years ago, I moved from my home on the West Coast to the East Coast for a new job. Taking only my cat with me for company and continuity, I spent the first few months in my new home feeling more lonely than I have ever felt in my life. It wasn't that people weren't kind to me. But I was apart from good friends, my spiritual community, and all that was familiar. I was exhausted each day by the demands of a hectic job. What little energy I had left was spent in learning my way around, finding a new doctor, hairdresser, and dentist, not to mention friends and a new church. I remember being very envious of those whose husband, partner, or family moved with them. At least they brought some kind of support system with them.
While it might have been easier to have a built-in support system during those months, the unavoidable fact is that we all experience periods of loneliness. Popular mythology holds that only single people experience loneliness, but I've met married people who have faced lonely periods as well. As human beings, we need the companionship of significant people in our lives.
Enter the biblical stories of Adam and Eve in Genesis ("it is not good for man to be alone"), or of the animals entering the ark 2 x 2, and it seems like we have a biblically mandated solution to loneliness--marriage. But the Bible also contains the stories of single people leading full and rich lives. Miriam, Moses' sister, helps lead the Israelites out of Egypt. A beloved leader, she leads the people in celebration after their escape. When she is punished with leprosy, and must stay outside the camp for seven days, they will not go on without her. When she dies, the people stay put until she is buried. Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, in the New Testament, appear to be single, and have significant friendships with many, including Jesus. Paul, Jesus, and others fill the pages of the Bible--all single people, beloved of God, with rich, full lives. God doesn't appear to them and demand that they get married to fulfill the mandate in Genesis. Perhaps we get too focused on Adam and Eve, and the Ark, and forget that the Bible contains stories that affirm the value of the single life as well.
Still, loneliness can be a reality in the single life, but perhaps some of it comes from confusing loneliness with the act of being alone. I often tell people in my singles retreats that we won't make good partners for anyone in this life if we can't be a good partner to ourselves first.
If you find that you dread an evening by yourself, make a list of the things that you might do to nurture yourself. That list can include anything that nourishes your mind, body, or soul: browsing your local bookstore, taking a leisurely bath, listening to music, walking, meditating, journaling, enjoying a favorite hobby, going out to a movie or show (yes, you can go out by yourself!). Use that list to make your time alone into restorative time for yourself. We get so little self-care time in this life, and I can guarantee you that anyone who is married, and particularly those with children, would be thrilled to have an evening to attend solely to their own needs. Jesus often went off by himself to pray and escape the demands of others and of the day; it's not a bad model to follow.
Another time that loneliness strikes us can occur when we want a partner in life so deeply that we ignore the wonderful community that surrounds us. There's nothing wrong with the desire for a partner, but focusing exclusively on that rarely brings it about. Humans were created to live in community, so one way to move away from loneliness is to focus on others. It is in giving that we receive, says the prayer of St. Francis. What we will receive we cannot know in advance; this isn't a magic formula. But volunteer your time, pay attention to the needs of family, friends, and colleagues, or give of yourself in any other way that seems appropriate, and see what happens. Let yourself experience the intimacy of friendship and of service to others, rather that putting life on hold until that significant other comes along.
Finally, learn to befriend your loneliness. Think of it as your teacher, and ask it for wisdom. Speak to God about your feelings, and ask to know what this time of loneliness has to teach you. Talk with others about it--friends, clergy persons, spiritual directors, or others--and ask their help and support. As I grappled with loneliness in my new home, and talked with others about it, I realized that I had to live differently if I wanted more connection to others. I was spending too much of my time at work, leaving little time to get the rest I needed in order to have enough energy to go out and make new friends and develop new support systems. My feelings of loneliness in a new environment were kept at bay by working too many hours, which further increased my isolation. By listening to my feelings--as uncomfortable as that was--I discovered that my loneliness had something to teach me about living a more balanced life, one that had time for prayer, friends, and fun, and not just work. Even God took the Sabbath off.
None of this is to say that feelings of isolation, of loneliness, are fun or easily managed. They are real and sometimes very painful. And if they are chronic, you might want to find someone who can help you look at them carefully. But these feelings can be important tools in making changes in your life. They certainly have been so in mine.
Debra Farrington is the author of 'One Like Jesus: Conversations on the Single Life' (Loyola Press) and leads retreats on being single and whole. Her most recent book is 'Living Faith Day by Day,' about the wisdom of monastic traditions.
By Debra Farrington
Three years ago, I moved from my home on the West Coast to the East Coast for a new job. Taking only my cat with me for company and continuity, I spent the first few months in my new home feeling more lonely than I have ever felt in my life. It wasn't that people weren't kind to me. But I was apart from good friends, my spiritual community, and all that was familiar. I was exhausted each day by the demands of a hectic job. What little energy I had left was spent in learning my way around, finding a new doctor, hairdresser, and dentist, not to mention friends and a new church. I remember being very envious of those whose husband, partner, or family moved with them. At least they brought some kind of support system with them.
While it might have been easier to have a built-in support system during those months, the unavoidable fact is that we all experience periods of loneliness. Popular mythology holds that only single people experience loneliness, but I've met married people who have faced lonely periods as well. As human beings, we need the companionship of significant people in our lives.
Enter the biblical stories of Adam and Eve in Genesis ("it is not good for man to be alone"), or of the animals entering the ark 2 x 2, and it seems like we have a biblically mandated solution to loneliness--marriage. But the Bible also contains the stories of single people leading full and rich lives. Miriam, Moses' sister, helps lead the Israelites out of Egypt. A beloved leader, she leads the people in celebration after their escape. When she is punished with leprosy, and must stay outside the camp for seven days, they will not go on without her. When she dies, the people stay put until she is buried. Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, in the New Testament, appear to be single, and have significant friendships with many, including Jesus. Paul, Jesus, and others fill the pages of the Bible--all single people, beloved of God, with rich, full lives. God doesn't appear to them and demand that they get married to fulfill the mandate in Genesis. Perhaps we get too focused on Adam and Eve, and the Ark, and forget that the Bible contains stories that affirm the value of the single life as well.
Still, loneliness can be a reality in the single life, but perhaps some of it comes from confusing loneliness with the act of being alone. I often tell people in my singles retreats that we won't make good partners for anyone in this life if we can't be a good partner to ourselves first.
If you find that you dread an evening by yourself, make a list of the things that you might do to nurture yourself. That list can include anything that nourishes your mind, body, or soul: browsing your local bookstore, taking a leisurely bath, listening to music, walking, meditating, journaling, enjoying a favorite hobby, going out to a movie or show (yes, you can go out by yourself!). Use that list to make your time alone into restorative time for yourself. We get so little self-care time in this life, and I can guarantee you that anyone who is married, and particularly those with children, would be thrilled to have an evening to attend solely to their own needs. Jesus often went off by himself to pray and escape the demands of others and of the day; it's not a bad model to follow.
Another time that loneliness strikes us can occur when we want a partner in life so deeply that we ignore the wonderful community that surrounds us. There's nothing wrong with the desire for a partner, but focusing exclusively on that rarely brings it about. Humans were created to live in community, so one way to move away from loneliness is to focus on others. It is in giving that we receive, says the prayer of St. Francis. What we will receive we cannot know in advance; this isn't a magic formula. But volunteer your time, pay attention to the needs of family, friends, and colleagues, or give of yourself in any other way that seems appropriate, and see what happens. Let yourself experience the intimacy of friendship and of service to others, rather that putting life on hold until that significant other comes along.
Finally, learn to befriend your loneliness. Think of it as your teacher, and ask it for wisdom. Speak to God about your feelings, and ask to know what this time of loneliness has to teach you. Talk with others about it--friends, clergy persons, spiritual directors, or others--and ask their help and support. As I grappled with loneliness in my new home, and talked with others about it, I realized that I had to live differently if I wanted more connection to others. I was spending too much of my time at work, leaving little time to get the rest I needed in order to have enough energy to go out and make new friends and develop new support systems. My feelings of loneliness in a new environment were kept at bay by working too many hours, which further increased my isolation. By listening to my feelings--as uncomfortable as that was--I discovered that my loneliness had something to teach me about living a more balanced life, one that had time for prayer, friends, and fun, and not just work. Even God took the Sabbath off.
None of this is to say that feelings of isolation, of loneliness, are fun or easily managed. They are real and sometimes very painful. And if they are chronic, you might want to find someone who can help you look at them carefully. But these feelings can be important tools in making changes in your life. They certainly have been so in mine.
Debra Farrington is the author of 'One Like Jesus: Conversations on the Single Life' (Loyola Press) and leads retreats on being single and whole. Her most recent book is 'Living Faith Day by Day,' about the wisdom of monastic traditions.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
He Said-She Said: An Acceptable Age Difference in Dating Relationships
Cliff Young & Laura MacCorkle
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer & Senior Editor
EDITOR’S NOTE: Each He Said-She Said column features a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you’ve got a question about anything related to singleness, please CLICK HERE to submit (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: Should a woman in her late twenties pursue a godly relationship with a man in his early twenties? Is there an acceptable age difference?
HE SAID: In a way, this is like asking “How much money do I need to retire?” Many thoughts, besides age, should be considered in answering such a question.
Age alone is not a determining factor of the compatibility of two people. The emotional, mental, and spiritual maturity of each individual is much more important. In general, males mature at a later age than females. (This is probably the excuse many older men use in order to “chase” younger women.) Although you may think your circumstance is different, take the time to observe a person over time and in different situations. First impressions can be misleading.
Along the same line, does a man in his early twenties have his priorities, focus, and career in order? Many guys at that age think they do—I did. However, at this stage, a man is just beginning to experience life, he’s starting to see what is in the world, and he’s finding out who he is and what he wants to do.
Spirituality plays the greatest role in a godly relationship.
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart (2 Timothy 2:22).
Is the man pursuing righteousness and ready to be the spiritual leader in a relationship? Is he ready to sacrifice some of his freedom, time and desires in order to reciprocate in a relationship? Will this relationship bring you both closer to God?
Just for fun, I Googled “woman pursue a man” and received over 17 million results! This seems to be a popular question.
What is your definition of “pursue”?
Does it mean letting him know that you are available?
Does it mean walking up to him to initiate communication?
Does it mean acknowledging you have interest in him?
If this is true for you, then there is nothing wrong in letting someone know you are unattached and interested. In this busy world we live in, sometimes we (I’m speaking for some guys, including myself) miss signals that are right in front of us. I would be flattered to know someone is interested in me and had the forthright to initiate contact.
However, if your definition of “pursue” is this:
Does it mean tracking down his phone number and calling him?
Does it mean asking him out on a date? Or dates?
Does it eventually mean asking him to marry you?
Then, I would caution you.
If the man knows you are available and interested in him, but isn’t pursuing, this is an indication of how he feels.
Maybe he thinks the age difference is insurmountable or something he isn’t ready for.
Maybe he isn’t interested at all.
Maybe he isn’t ready for a relationship.
Maybe he doesn’t have the guts to ask you out (not a good sign).
Most men want to be the “hunter.” It is in our blood to see something we desire and to go out and get it (Ok, conquer it … I said it). When pursued, the flattery that was felt earlier quickly changes to questions of:
“Why is she asking me out?
Is she desperate?
Is there something wrong with her?
Does she feel as if time is running out for her?”
As a long-time single, my hope for a mate is in God’s hands. He has shown me through His continual faithfulness that He knows what is best for me. Although I have experienced some disappointments along the way, I have been protected from relationships that were not right for me; I just see it as God’s grace. Several Scripture passages have helped me often throughout the years.
He that finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22).
With God’s help, I will be the one who finds a wife (not the other way around) and when I do, it will be amazing!
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him, but help him all her life (Proverbs 31:10-12).
Wow! I want to look for and find this kind of wife. Why wouldn’t I want to wait for the right one?!
There are verses in the Bible where women take the lead, but they are not the type of women I would want to be with.
He was walking down the street near the corner on the road leading to her house. … Then the woman approached him … So I have come out to meet you; I have been looking for you and have found you (Proverbs 7:8, 10, 15).
I empathize with you. I really do. What I have found to be true in my life is that God’s plan and design never feels contrived or forced. If you have to ask if there is an “appropriate age difference,” then I believe you already know the answer in your heart.
SHE SAID: I’ll have to start out my answer on a personal note, since I know a thing or two about age differences when it comes to relationships.
I’ve had dating relationships where there have been significant gaps in age and ones where there have been differences of only a few years or less. Some men have been older than me, while others have been younger. I guess you could say I’m an “equal-opportunity dater.” Well, as long as no gold medallion necklaces, pointy boots or mountain-man beards are involved (sorry!).
In hindsight, the closer in age I have been to those I’ve dated then the easier the relationships have seemed to go. Surely, there were other factors involved to determine the success and duration of each relationship (faith, maturity, interests, values, goals, etc.). But I think that a significant age difference can also make or break a relationship.
As believers, we don’t really find a clear answer for your question in Scripture. Thus far, I’ve only found references to relationships or marriages where the man is older than the woman. And to my knowledge, I don’t think that there are any biblical examples of older women in dating or marital relationships with younger men. So I am left with the world around me (and perhaps a little common sense and hopefully some divine inspiration) from which to draw.
I suppose a significant age difference in a relationship (with the woman being older than the man) is more culturally acceptable these days, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good thing. You would have to investigate on a relationship-by-relationship basis to see what works for some and what doesn’t work for others.
The more I think about this, though, I’m drawing the conclusion that an age difference is more of a “red light” factor when two people are younger. If one partner is 20 and the other is 28 or 29, that can be a problem. Considering how men and women mature at different rates, will a 20-year-old man be able to lead in a relationship with a woman who is pushing 30?
Another consideration is upbringing. Some are taught to be responsible, while others are coddled. So it’s likely you could have a very mature 20-year-old man who was raised to lead and do his part. Or you could have the opposite: A 20-year-old man who has more of a “victim’s mentality”—meaning his problems are always identified as the fault of others and no personal responsibility is taken whatsoever. In this type of individual, you’ll usually find someone who is floundering (and maybe always will be). If you date or marry him, you will likely end up being his mother.
So, where am I leading with all of this? Well, assuming that there are about seven to nine years between you and the young man in question, I am saying that you have a lot to evaluate before going forward (assuming he is the one who will be pursuing you).
If you have considered the compatibility of your maturity levels and if you have been able to observe this young man in various scenarios and you are at peace with what you’ve experienced, then I would proceed with caution. Remain friends until you feel certain that he is mature enough to lead a woman such as yourself in a godly relationship. And then, perhaps, proceed to dating.
But before you do, spend some time chewing on this …
What do your friends and family think? Are they sources of accountability and do you seek their counsel?
Do you think that this young man is mature enough to lead a late twenty-something woman in a godly relationship? And beyond that, in marriage?
Have you observed this young man enough to witness his speech, his actions and how he treats others?
Who are his friends and how do they treat one another? Are they people you would want to spend time with, too?
Is he a man of his word? Does he have a good reputation? Has he made a life for himself and have something to show for it?
Does he hold leadership positions either at work, in the community or at church?
If he is just starting out in his career or finishing up school and you are already established in your career, will this be a source of tension when it comes to respect? And submission?
Should you decide to marry and if you are ready to begin a family, will he be ready to have children as soon as you are?
Does this young man respect the elders in his life (family, supervisors at work, church leaders, authority in general)?
What is his relationship like with his mother? Does he honor her and treat her with kindness? Is his relationship with his father healthy?
Is this young man a respected leader in his family? Does he contribute to “the drama” or does he help to bring resolution to critical family situations?
These are good starter questions to get you thinking about various issues. An age difference doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but it can certainly contribute to a relationship not being successful.
You will have to determine if this is the path down which the Lord is leading you. Or if this is a path down which you are taking yourself. There may not be any cautionary red lights for you right now, but if there are then please don’t ignore them. And don’t try to force something into being that is not of the Lord.
He will show you (and give you confirmation through prayer, the godly counsel of family and friends, study in the Word) if this age difference is acceptable in his sight for you.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:1-2).
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer & Senior Editor
EDITOR’S NOTE: Each He Said-She Said column features a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you’ve got a question about anything related to singleness, please CLICK HERE to submit (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: Should a woman in her late twenties pursue a godly relationship with a man in his early twenties? Is there an acceptable age difference?
HE SAID: In a way, this is like asking “How much money do I need to retire?” Many thoughts, besides age, should be considered in answering such a question.
Age alone is not a determining factor of the compatibility of two people. The emotional, mental, and spiritual maturity of each individual is much more important. In general, males mature at a later age than females. (This is probably the excuse many older men use in order to “chase” younger women.) Although you may think your circumstance is different, take the time to observe a person over time and in different situations. First impressions can be misleading.
Along the same line, does a man in his early twenties have his priorities, focus, and career in order? Many guys at that age think they do—I did. However, at this stage, a man is just beginning to experience life, he’s starting to see what is in the world, and he’s finding out who he is and what he wants to do.
Spirituality plays the greatest role in a godly relationship.
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart (2 Timothy 2:22).
Is the man pursuing righteousness and ready to be the spiritual leader in a relationship? Is he ready to sacrifice some of his freedom, time and desires in order to reciprocate in a relationship? Will this relationship bring you both closer to God?
Just for fun, I Googled “woman pursue a man” and received over 17 million results! This seems to be a popular question.
What is your definition of “pursue”?
Does it mean letting him know that you are available?
Does it mean walking up to him to initiate communication?
Does it mean acknowledging you have interest in him?
If this is true for you, then there is nothing wrong in letting someone know you are unattached and interested. In this busy world we live in, sometimes we (I’m speaking for some guys, including myself) miss signals that are right in front of us. I would be flattered to know someone is interested in me and had the forthright to initiate contact.
However, if your definition of “pursue” is this:
Does it mean tracking down his phone number and calling him?
Does it mean asking him out on a date? Or dates?
Does it eventually mean asking him to marry you?
Then, I would caution you.
If the man knows you are available and interested in him, but isn’t pursuing, this is an indication of how he feels.
Maybe he thinks the age difference is insurmountable or something he isn’t ready for.
Maybe he isn’t interested at all.
Maybe he isn’t ready for a relationship.
Maybe he doesn’t have the guts to ask you out (not a good sign).
Most men want to be the “hunter.” It is in our blood to see something we desire and to go out and get it (Ok, conquer it … I said it). When pursued, the flattery that was felt earlier quickly changes to questions of:
“Why is she asking me out?
Is she desperate?
Is there something wrong with her?
Does she feel as if time is running out for her?”
As a long-time single, my hope for a mate is in God’s hands. He has shown me through His continual faithfulness that He knows what is best for me. Although I have experienced some disappointments along the way, I have been protected from relationships that were not right for me; I just see it as God’s grace. Several Scripture passages have helped me often throughout the years.
He that finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22).
With God’s help, I will be the one who finds a wife (not the other way around) and when I do, it will be amazing!
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him, but help him all her life (Proverbs 31:10-12).
Wow! I want to look for and find this kind of wife. Why wouldn’t I want to wait for the right one?!
There are verses in the Bible where women take the lead, but they are not the type of women I would want to be with.
He was walking down the street near the corner on the road leading to her house. … Then the woman approached him … So I have come out to meet you; I have been looking for you and have found you (Proverbs 7:8, 10, 15).
I empathize with you. I really do. What I have found to be true in my life is that God’s plan and design never feels contrived or forced. If you have to ask if there is an “appropriate age difference,” then I believe you already know the answer in your heart.
SHE SAID: I’ll have to start out my answer on a personal note, since I know a thing or two about age differences when it comes to relationships.
I’ve had dating relationships where there have been significant gaps in age and ones where there have been differences of only a few years or less. Some men have been older than me, while others have been younger. I guess you could say I’m an “equal-opportunity dater.” Well, as long as no gold medallion necklaces, pointy boots or mountain-man beards are involved (sorry!).
In hindsight, the closer in age I have been to those I’ve dated then the easier the relationships have seemed to go. Surely, there were other factors involved to determine the success and duration of each relationship (faith, maturity, interests, values, goals, etc.). But I think that a significant age difference can also make or break a relationship.
As believers, we don’t really find a clear answer for your question in Scripture. Thus far, I’ve only found references to relationships or marriages where the man is older than the woman. And to my knowledge, I don’t think that there are any biblical examples of older women in dating or marital relationships with younger men. So I am left with the world around me (and perhaps a little common sense and hopefully some divine inspiration) from which to draw.
I suppose a significant age difference in a relationship (with the woman being older than the man) is more culturally acceptable these days, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good thing. You would have to investigate on a relationship-by-relationship basis to see what works for some and what doesn’t work for others.
The more I think about this, though, I’m drawing the conclusion that an age difference is more of a “red light” factor when two people are younger. If one partner is 20 and the other is 28 or 29, that can be a problem. Considering how men and women mature at different rates, will a 20-year-old man be able to lead in a relationship with a woman who is pushing 30?
Another consideration is upbringing. Some are taught to be responsible, while others are coddled. So it’s likely you could have a very mature 20-year-old man who was raised to lead and do his part. Or you could have the opposite: A 20-year-old man who has more of a “victim’s mentality”—meaning his problems are always identified as the fault of others and no personal responsibility is taken whatsoever. In this type of individual, you’ll usually find someone who is floundering (and maybe always will be). If you date or marry him, you will likely end up being his mother.
So, where am I leading with all of this? Well, assuming that there are about seven to nine years between you and the young man in question, I am saying that you have a lot to evaluate before going forward (assuming he is the one who will be pursuing you).
If you have considered the compatibility of your maturity levels and if you have been able to observe this young man in various scenarios and you are at peace with what you’ve experienced, then I would proceed with caution. Remain friends until you feel certain that he is mature enough to lead a woman such as yourself in a godly relationship. And then, perhaps, proceed to dating.
But before you do, spend some time chewing on this …
What do your friends and family think? Are they sources of accountability and do you seek their counsel?
Do you think that this young man is mature enough to lead a late twenty-something woman in a godly relationship? And beyond that, in marriage?
Have you observed this young man enough to witness his speech, his actions and how he treats others?
Who are his friends and how do they treat one another? Are they people you would want to spend time with, too?
Is he a man of his word? Does he have a good reputation? Has he made a life for himself and have something to show for it?
Does he hold leadership positions either at work, in the community or at church?
If he is just starting out in his career or finishing up school and you are already established in your career, will this be a source of tension when it comes to respect? And submission?
Should you decide to marry and if you are ready to begin a family, will he be ready to have children as soon as you are?
Does this young man respect the elders in his life (family, supervisors at work, church leaders, authority in general)?
What is his relationship like with his mother? Does he honor her and treat her with kindness? Is his relationship with his father healthy?
Is this young man a respected leader in his family? Does he contribute to “the drama” or does he help to bring resolution to critical family situations?
These are good starter questions to get you thinking about various issues. An age difference doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but it can certainly contribute to a relationship not being successful.
You will have to determine if this is the path down which the Lord is leading you. Or if this is a path down which you are taking yourself. There may not be any cautionary red lights for you right now, but if there are then please don’t ignore them. And don’t try to force something into being that is not of the Lord.
He will show you (and give you confirmation through prayer, the godly counsel of family and friends, study in the Word) if this age difference is acceptable in his sight for you.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:1-2).
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